Grief and school transitions
It’s the end of August here in the Pacific Northwest. This time is filled with happy photos of kids heading back to school, parents not believing their child is already moving on to their next grade, traditions returning or starting. This time is filled with muscle memory, old routines, memories that surface about years prior and how those times felt in our bones. Everyone around is talking about the passage of time: “Summer was so short!” “I cannot wait for fall!” “The holidays are right around the corner!” There is an energy to this time of year that is propelling us forward towards the end of the calendar year.
Grief can make us feel out of sync with the world around us.
The energy that is so palpable at this time of year can feel jarring when we are grieving. I often talk with clients about how there is this uncanny experience in grief of feeling like life has frozen internally, but outside the window everyone is just moving about their merry way. We can have that feeling pop up at many times during grief, especially when grief is fresh, at holidays/celebrations, and at times like back-to-school. As the cadence of the world around us shifts, in grief we can feel so out of sync.
While others might be feeling this joy and energy, in grief we may be experiencing:
Sorrow. Sorrow is a common experience in grief and it also can be amplified during this season. Missing a loved one, considering what they should be doing, what we would have been doing — keeps our grief at the very forefront of our minds.
Anger or irritability. It can feel hard to notice and celebrate the joys of others when our own world feels crushed. Other times grievers share that they feel like
Memories. Many grievers experience intense memories of school years past—what they were doing during this season, what roles they were playing, what their loved one was doing, all the promise of what should have or could have laid ahead on the journey.
Physical exhaustion. Grief impacts more than just our emotions — it is a whole body experience. When we are navigating grief our body is experiencing it along with us. Many people experience physical discomforts and exhaustion. It’s not uncommon to hold tension in the body, using extra energy and creating stiffness and fatigue. Grief is mentally taxing as well. Navigating grief during this season can mean we are focusing and re-focusing on our grief, riding the emotional waves that come alongside it. This can feel so draining.
What can help?
It is important to hold space for the grief that is showing up in our lives. Whether it has been years since our loss or the grief is fresh, we can still experience the impact and ripple effect. Here are some ideas to consider as you are grieving during this back to school season:
Notice your grief. Slowing down and noticing that your grief exists can be hard. Many of the clients I work with are high-achieving, goal-oriented people who work hard to never drop any balls. Grief still shows up, even when we have solid plans for how we’d like to approach this season. Take a bit of time to explore how your grief is showing up right now and how you might be able to make room for it.
Journal, reflect, grief counseling. Creating some room for your grief may come in many different forms, including processing it through writing, art, movement or grief counseling. Working with a grief counselor that is an expert in modern grief approaches can give you tools, support and guidance on your grief journey. Spending time writing about your grief and what you’re noticing as the world’s energy shifts around you can allow your mind time to release what you may have been trying to hold close to the chest.
Community that gets it. Who can you share your authentic grief experience with? Are there people who will understand if you need to say “everyone is out there posting their stupid complaints about school supply lists and what I wouldn’t give to have my child here to buy supplies for!” or “my mom was a teacher for decades and I can’t stop thinking about how she carefully prepared for each school year.”
Self care. It is important to remember the ways you are taking care of your whole self when waves of grief come crashing down. This can be done in small ways. Consider how you are taking care of your body, mind, emotions, social connections and spirit during this time. You may set a small goal that helps you to feel anchored during this season.
As the world around you shifts, please know that you are not alone in your grief. What is coming up for you in this season makes sense.
